Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
