I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
