Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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