Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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