I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
