new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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