peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
