...so i touched it.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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