I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
