so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
