i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
