Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
