I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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