Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
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