dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
