I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Just took my morning after pill in the library
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
