I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
