can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
