did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
