At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
