Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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