I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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