I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
