Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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