I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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