I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
