i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
