My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
And the cops told us we were all naked.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just high enough for therapy.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
