I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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