cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Randomize
