dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
