I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
