it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
