dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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