Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
