You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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