I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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