he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
