oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
