after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
