This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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