Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I wish I could teleport
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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