Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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