our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
