life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
