Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
D3 body, D1 cock
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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