i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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