I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
someone owes me an orgasm
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
