now i know why i became what i already was.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
