R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
The air taste purple.
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