im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I don't deserve a penis
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
