Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
