yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
