I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
