she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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